Who doesn’t get anxious when they feel out of control?
Recently my old email address was infected with a spam virus, where unbeknownst to me an embarrassing advertisement was sent out from my account in the middle of the night.
When I realized what had happened I felt incredibly helpless, like I had no control. I knew I had a crucial choice to make: to stress or not to stress. But stress is tough and sly. Sadly, most of us have come to believe that it is inevitable. We get spun out, too often and too easily. More and more we exist completely withdrawn from the possibility of living in quiet buoyancy.
In this instance though, I decided not to engage the stress. Instead of spinning out, I spiraled in.
Spiraling in when something unfortunate happens doesn’t mean being passive, or not responding. It simply means not reacting. Instead, we go to where we are staunchly rooted in ourselves. Calm, present, unperturbed. This gives us the space to respond with grace in lieu of reacting rashly, to our detriment.
It also saves our bodies the strain of a stress reaction–shoulders tightening, breath stiffening, face flushing–and our nervous systems from getting jarred. The more we cultivate this inward movement, the less stress is on speed dial. We can actually pause to think about whether we want to call up this aggression, and be overtaken by such insidious suffering.
Picture yourself sitting under an apple tree, filled with lush bursting bright red apples. But, these apples aren’t a friendly or nourishing kind. They are each composed of a visceral negative feeling. Now, imagine yourself being rushed with that very first sense of being out of control and the immediate desire to reflexively grab hold of some kind of feeling about it, ranging from mild annoyance to outright rage. Sitting in your garden, you might start reaching frantically for an apple of one kind or another. Not only will these apples expel you from your edenic center, but they will also catapult you into full-blown stress.
Before reaching for a victimized apple, or a nervous, aggravated, irked, or irate one, ask yourself, can you sit this particular apple-grab out? Try taking a minute to breathe beneath that tree. Feel the breeze, and the ground where you’re sitting. Spiral in. Absorb the expanse of fresh verdant grass around you. Experience the absence of need.
Buddhism calls this non-reaching, non-attachment; I call it, a blessing.
The next time you feel out of control, don’t attach. Just sit for a while. Smile even. Then go ahead. Act clearly and deliberately. Do what you need to do. You’ll be surprised. It should feel pretty wonderful.
